I feel like we compare a lot. We have this word "perfection" that has no real written deffenision. Girls think they are too fat, buys think they have small dicks, and youth think that a zit is the end of the world.

I wish we didn't compare. It would make choices so much easier.

We find ourselves wanting what we once had, knowing that it can never happen... and looking at what we could have, pushing it away because it is not what was, in comparison.

I remember being asked a question years ago, and saying "no". I guess we all have something to compare this to.

I'm sorry I said no*

Another one bites the dust

It funny how some situations, pictures, moments or songs...etc. can bring up an old memory or make you think of someone close. Just like when you smell something it triggers a memory. It is what makes life that much more enjoyable, memories. We create new ones every day and for some everyday :)

I was out taking photos and took a shot. Started think of an old friend from NY that was one of the few that came out to visit me when I was out west. We were not the closest friends before, but she had a kind heart and was lost in her ways. Seamed like she was trying to find a new life and/or get away from herself...her memories.

I found out from a mutual friend today, that right after she some out west to visit me, she got home and overdosed on pills. I had no clue that she was even doing anything like that from her visit with me...I am usually a pretty good judge of people that are using...since I surrounded myself with quite a few addicts growing up. She was clean while out west for a few weeks. Then she just up and left. Was out of touch for a bit and she said she was having family issues with her father being sick. Then, she was gone...I guess forever.

It is hard to think that I may have seen some of the worry and the questions in her head, now that I know how the ending was...

I think that if we all knew how it would end, we could not only help ourselves, but we could help others. I guess that is why I love life. It is impossible to control, and im OK with that.

Adreanna, this picture is for you. May you find peace in something more than a memory can capture*

I don't dream, I see the future*

Sometimes I want to know what happened to the past after it happened. Did it change anyone? Did it change me?

Or did it just happen and everything stayed the same. It would be nice to think sometimes that life doesnt change us.

Maybe it's a giant mirror that we are looking into??

Please let me dream tonight. Its been so long since I had a visit from these dreams.

They haunt me, I miss them when they are absent.

Be well*

Times are a changing

It becomes harder and harder to find great people that want to go on adventures, the older you get. That or there are more and more people playing video games.

Then you meet some great people that wind up having some drug issue or some personal shit that makes them hate life. Does anyone have a grip on shit anymore? Does everyone just go to the bar to try and find someone or something to make them happy...all this is empty.

Time is air. It goes by faster and faster...get harder to take it in...and slow to a halt.

Calling all people that still want to get up early and go to bed late for the sole purpose of enjoying the whole day for what it is...a gift.

Love life, keep moving and smile till it hurts.

And as always,

Be well*

Thinking of me*

So, I have to finish write 2 papers on myself. 1. being about my previous job and activities. 2. Being about what my goals are. Why is it so hard to write about ourselves? I'm confident in what I am writing, yet at the same time...Is it relevant? I mean, I can write about what my goals are for right now, but should I put a side note that states "subject to change based upon making it through today". That would be the honest thing to do.

Why should I write...maybe it should just be a bunch of question marks ?????????????? Then say that the reason I am going back to school is to figure that out. Or should I just repeat "I want to be smarter, challenged and help people"
Times like this make me realize that communicating in written form is so bland and impersonal. I would rather teach a group of 100 people or speak about a topic to a room full of people I know or don't know, than have to write a paper about me and what/who I am.

Maybe I'll jsut bullet point the whole thing. haha.

Be well*

talking to myself, outloud*

I sometimes wonder if there is a right...correct...direction to go. Is this life a test? I'm sure that if it was a final round, we would have been given instructions as to what the heck to do next! ha.
Maybe, when we get on the train and we are traveling to work, we should be that one person that starts to sing or just starts to talk...you know the one that everyone else ignores because they are to set in there "lively" ways.
Our day to days are such a beautiful blanket of security, yet they keep us tied down to an almost scare tactic...we have a hard time starting something, because of the possible failure that is involved.
I started this blog...is anyone going to read it? ehh. who knows...does that mean I have failed?
It means I have tried, that's for sure.

Be well*

What things will come

Finally set up some internet networking...got with the times I guess. Facebook is up and the group will be created tomorrow...or Wednesday. Also, get it set up to Twitter. Maybe this will help me figure life out...or help other people figure it out. Who knows what things will come.

Be well*